Silent Love

As a longtime romance reader and lover of romantic comedies, for a long time I thought love, especially romantic love, was about big gestures. About Richard Gere climbing up the fire escape to Julia Roberts at the end of Pretty Woman. About Orlando papering the forest of Arden with love poems for Rosalind in As You Like It. About dancing and acrobats and lederhosen in Central Park in Enchanted. 

But I have grown to realize it is not that.

Love is when we were doing a recycling drive at school and my mother asked the man in charge of the vending machines to save all the bottle caps for me.

Love is when J.C. went out in single-digit temperatures to get me soup to nurse my cold.

Love is when my friend Tammy texts me just to tell me to have a nice day.

Love is when I fall asleep on the couch and J.C. tries to wake me up once, and then just brings me a quilt and lets me sleep.

J.C. himself actually has a great way to describe this. He calls it "silent love". Putting away the laundry when it's not your turn, leaving the last bite of dessert, picking up dinner when it's not fast-food night, changing the channel away from the thing you want to watch.

And these are things that do not have to come from your partner - they can come from family or friends or anyone at all who loves you.

While I've been lucky enough to have some grand gestures of love thrown at me in my time, those little examples of silent love are my favorites. String quartets and dancing ConEd workers (it's in the video, just go with it) doves and roses are wonderful, but something about seeing that J.C. has taken the garbage out when I had promised I would gives me a feeling of exhausted gratitude and a rush of emotion far deeper than any of those "romantic" ideals.

What says silent love to you?

Fear of Flying

I have what they call in polite company "control issues."

So I suppose the publication of The Weird Sisters was the universe's way of telling me I needed to learn to let go. There are lots of ways in which that lesson was presented to me last year, but one of the biggest ways was flying.

I've never been one of those people who loves to fly, but during a period of the book tour where I was flying every day, I had a flight with a takeoff that scared me. After that, I developed a fairly crippling fear of flying.

In my mind, I knew that the issue was not really flying. It was exhaustion, and stress, and pressure, and a lack of control over too many things, and as much as I loved the events I was traveling to, getting there was hard for me.

I was recently at dinner with some other authors, two of whom also have difficulty flying, so I promised I would give them some of the resources that have worked for me, and I thought I'd share them here, in case any of you are suffering from something similar.

What worked for me:

1. Pharmaceuticals.

Think less of me if you must, but I take a Xanax before I get on a plane. I don't tend to run for medication when I can manage things another way, but in this case, my fear was getting in the way of my life, and I needed to fix it. However, I found last year that the sedative alone didn't work. I needed coping strategies, too.

2. Fly Without Fear: Guided Meditations for a Relaxing Flight.

I listened to the entire thing a few times before I had to fly again. Then I listened to it in the airport, and while on the plane, and I plan to do so again. Super-helpful.

3. Fear of Flying Help.

Knowledge is power, and this is AMAZING. It's a website created by an American Airlines pilot, set up as a free course you can go through (though I did make a donation).  He walks you through every part of air travel, from maintenance to turbulence, with video and audio. At the end, he gives you a list of statements you can print out and take on the plane with you (I wrote mine on an index card to help memorize them).

4. Distractions and comfort objects.

I have learned what makes me comfortable on a flight, and I come prepared. I bring snacks, gossip magazines, a pillow and eye mask, books, video games, and music and tv shows on my iPod. I want to be sure I will be occupied no matter what mood I'm in - basically I come with a week's worth of entertainment for a two-hour flight. I also have a little gift from my sweetie that I hold during takeoff and landing that makes me feel calm and centered.

So have I learned my lesson? Resolved my "control issues"? Honestly, no. I think this is going to be a long battle for me. But I do feel better about flying, which is a good metaphor for relenquishing control.

One of the statements in Fly Without Fear is this: "Your fear does not keep this plane in the air." This is an excellent reminder for those armrest clutchers among us.

My fear also does not help me write my next novel, or give me strength and endurance at the gym, or help me be a better friend. So I'm working on learning not to fear what I cannot control, and to let go.

Paperback Tour Dates!

The paperback edition of The Weird Sisters comes out in a month, on February 7, 2012, and I'm coming to see YOU!

Okay, not all of you (unless someone invented teleportation when I wasn't looking?), but I do have 26 events lined up so far and I'm so excited to get back on the road and meet more readers!

The events page has the latest info, but remember, if I'm not coming to your town, your book club can invite me to call or Skype in here, or you can order a personally signed copy from my local bookstore, Tattered Cover, right here!

Oh, and I'm also on Facebook and Twitter! Come say hello!

Ordering Signed Copies!

It's December (holy cow, how did it get to be December already?), and I'm cooking away on my next novel and planning for the US paperback release on February 7, 2012.

A fun little piece of news - I got a peek at the Spanish cover for The Weird Sisters today. I can't show it yet, but I can tell you the title: Una Casa Llena de Palabras (A House Full of Words). Isn't that wonderful?

A few folks have written to me over this year asking where they can get a signed copy, if I'm not coming to their town. Well, I have great news! I've partnered with a wonderful local bookstore, Tattered Cover, to sell signed copies.

Here's how it works! Go to this page (or click the Order Signed Copies button on the sidebar) and fill in the form to send an email to Tattered Cover. Be sure to tell them:

• How many copies you'd like.
• If you'd like them personalized (you can specify a name or something for me to write, or I can just sign them).
• Where you're located (Montana? Mexico?)

They'll contact me, I'll scoot on over to sign your copies, and they'll send them out to ya!

Neither Tattered Cover nor I are making any additional money off of the signing - they'll charge regular price for the book and shipping, and I don't get anything other than my regular royalty.

It's a great opportunity to support a terrific local bookstore, and for me to be able to send you a thank-you until we can meet in person!

Oh, and have I mentioned that signed books make great holiday gifts? :)

Thanks, as always, for your support, and please let me know if you have any questions!

Infrequently Asked Questions #4 - First Person Plural Narrators

I get a lot of questions about the narrative voice in The Weird Sisters: the first person plural voice of the three sisters speaking together.

Few people ask directly for a reading list of other collective narrators, but I always include one when I answer this question, so I thought I'd record it here for posterity:

• "A Rose for Emily", William Faulkner (short story)
• The Virgin Suicides, Jeffrey Eugenides
• The Fates Will Find Their Way, Hannah Pittard
• The Buddha in the Attic, Julie Otsuka
• The Sisters 8, Lauren Baratz-Logsted
• And Then We Came to the End, Joshua Ferris

Can you think of others I should mention?

Edited to add: I just learned that Laura Lippman's most recent book, The Most Dangerous Thing, uses a first-person plural narrator in parts.